Friday, September 27, 2013
The grim and gripping detective series has just finished here, on BBC America and now we're in the loop, along with you people at home. If you still don't know whodunnit, look away now. No sooner had I breathed a sigh of relief that it wasn't the Vicar (the Church gets enough of a bad press) but dodgy Joe who did for young Danny, I was alarmed to read that they are going to remake it, American-style, a bit like they did with that dark Scandinavian thing, the Killing. I suppose they thought some Americans wouldn't be able to cope with a Scottish accent.
So how will it turn out? For a start, no one's going to get anywhere near that cliff because of the safety barriers. They'll have to think up another crime scene. The press, with few worries about libel and reporting restrictions, will rake up everyone's seamy past far more quickly, thus considerably shortening the series to allow for more commercials. The church services will be packed full of happy-clappies and the insomniac Reverend will end up with his own cable channel (Megachurch?) Beth and Mark will get Oprah to work out their marriage problems on air, with viewers offering meaningful advice. The warring detectives (above) will definitely get together by the end, since sniping at each other is normal in American on-screen courtships, ala When Harry Met Sally. American hospitals will sort his ticker out in a jiffy - assuming he has the insurance. They both, however, will have to smile a lot more. Plus, dour Susan, on her nocturnal seaside dog walk, will surely be carrying a Smith & Wesson and will let rip with it when she spots the scarpering perp, saving everyone a lot of trouble.