......A closer look revealed the van it to be decorated with cartoon pigs and the logos “Swifty Swine” and "Go Hog Wild". Crikey! Racing pigs! I just had to see this.
I sat myself in the mini-grandstand as a loudspeaker blared out, “These superswine are faster than a speeding sandwich!”. There followed some country and western music, “God is Great, Beer is Good”, and then Zach, the self-styled Swine Master from Texas, revved up the crowd. Were we ready for the “powered porkers, their tails in turbo and their snouts a-blazing” ? Yes we were! These swine, he boasted, were not running for the money but for a simple Oreo cookie! (Note to my British readers: Oreos are a sort of black-and-white biscuit.)
Then Zach yelled at us to cheer and cheer we did and all of a sudden, a bevy of piglets burst into view, scooting down the van ramp as fast as their little trotters could carry them. They had celebrity names like Brad Pig and Lindsey Loham and sported miniature numbered blankets. Each segment of the audience got assigned a number and had to cheer their piglet. A bugle sounded, just like in the Kentucky Derby and they were off, pounding the track and seemingly loving every minute of it. Our piglet came in last but hey, I hadn’t laughed so much in ages, though I did feel a bit guilty about the pulled pork. Move over, Usain Bolt.